i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
