Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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