He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You can't motorboat a personality
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
