your parents love me but you hate me
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
