I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
A bitchslap is in order.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
