and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
