:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
