a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
