i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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