There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
worst night to have a conscience
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
