This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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