Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
