PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
