I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
