you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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