the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
