omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
