How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
