you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
