apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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