Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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