WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't deserve a penis
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
