I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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