I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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