singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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