It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
