Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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