Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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