I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
