Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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