this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I party with great urgency now.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
