After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We have started to decorate penises.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
