You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
