I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This is classic penis vs brain.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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