u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Welp...herpes.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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