Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize