I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
