Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
