I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
