Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
