did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize