Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
