these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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