you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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