First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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