It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
