Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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