You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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