his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
