BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
