Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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