I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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