nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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