You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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