he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
