I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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