i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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