just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
