I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
