im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
BRING THE BAGELS
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