Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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