Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
