I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
