I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
