I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
