At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
