Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
