she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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