we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
