I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize