I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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