so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
