He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
