Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
