Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
