Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
