I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
