i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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