i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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