I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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