I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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