kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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