dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All the doctor said was why
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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