Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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