What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
