I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
