I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize