Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize