Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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