Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
