Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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