I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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