Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just had sex on a roof
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
