Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
