I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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