With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
