Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
