WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it glows. i had to have it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
