and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
