Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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