Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
