Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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