i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
